I mentioned oratorio was the devil right? Because he totally is.

oratorio: You are so getting Alpha Protocol.
kyootulu: what?
oratorio: Bioware's next game
kyootulu: NO. I HAVE MY HANDS FULL WITH THIS ALREADY
oratorio: Only one character I think but, its SPIES. ESPIONAGE!
kyootulu: NO. NO NO NO. YOU GET AWAY FROM ME
oratorio: Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiies. It's not out for months yet~~
kyootulu: NO. NO MORE.

Hello, my name is Alexis, and I am an addict.

I actually cured my addiction before. When I was a kid, I was obsessed with my Super Nintendo. I honestly have not played a videogame in years, much less a fantasy RPG. Final Fantasy just looked way too intimidating; I didn't have the patience to learn all the controls, and in my law school days, I was honestly too poor to spend money on them. I believe the last game I actually played on my own was Silent Hill/The Room, and I remember, like these things usually do, the thing sucking an entire week of my life. But I had a sanity check then - being too poor to afford collecting these things, I rented it out from Blockbuster. I had to return it eventually. The fact that I had to probably saved me.

So, I went on with my life....until the boyfriend decided to put a Playstation 3 in my house. He said, "It's for us, sweetheart! I can play videogames and you can play blu-ray DVDs." Lies, I thought. The PS3 was totally for him. So I contented myself watching him play his games, because it felt like another lifetime since I last touched a controller. I have watched him play Arkham Asylum and Uncharted 2 to completion. While part of me still misses the pixelated landscapes I grew up with, the fact that games these days are just so fucking pretty (especially when played in a PS3 hooked up with an HDMI cable and an HDTV... I finally retired my old, bulky 20-inch in favor of a 43-inch flatscreen) drew my eye and I kept marveling at the colors. However, I kept myself to being an audience, not a participant. Recalling the immortal words of Detective Danny Murtaugh, I thought I was "way too old for this shit."

And that was how it stayed, until last Friday night when oratorio somehow got it in my head that I should go buy Dragon Age: Origins for myself. "It'll be fun!" he said. "You'll really like it!" he said. "You can hook up with a party member in it!" (What? - clearly this was a phenomenon new to me considering I haven't touched a fantasy RPG in years. More on this later).

So while I was in Walmart on Saturday scoping out what I would need for a Thanksgiving Dinner that I found myself having to prepare this year due to several unforeseen circumstances, I managed to pass by the Entertainment section. Sure enough, it was there. After contemplating it for a moment, I thought, "Why not?" and purchased it and put it in "our" PS3.

Three days and a collective 24+ hours of gameplay later, I'm sitting at my desk in a large, corporate law firm in Boston wondering when I'll be going home tonight so I can beat the boss that's killed me repeatedly in the last five hours. There's no escape now. I own the damned game! I'm suddenly reminded just why I retired in the first place: I hate boss fights! I hate 'em! HATE THEM HATE THEM HATE THEM.

But it doesn't stop me from obsessing. It doesn't stop me from thinking things like, "When I go home today, I'm having calamari for dinner." The boss has tentacles. Every Asian girl knows that anything with tentacles is automatically evil and therefore has to be either destroyed or consumed with cocktail sauce at every opportunity.

( For Your Amusement, Some Snippets of My Rants To Various People This Morning About This. May Contain Spoilers and Insanity (included is a conversation with a female friend that tangents into nakedness and rendered camel toes. You have been warned) )